he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
