When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
