never play flip cup with pint glasses
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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