thus making me awesome and them whores
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
