I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
