Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
