you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
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When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
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Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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