You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
