Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize