guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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