Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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