dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
