This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
