Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
