he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
