i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize