he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
