You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
