I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
