I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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