Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
