Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
