What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
