i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
