I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
