is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
