Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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