My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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