I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can I color on your dick again?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
