I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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