I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
