So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
