i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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