Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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