He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
