Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
