the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize