If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
These tits shall not be calmed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
