I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
