nut hugger
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
