Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
