Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
