farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
