i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
