you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
