Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
