So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
