seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
