theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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