I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You are a genius and a whore.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
