is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just gift wrapped bread.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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