I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
