At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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