I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize