Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
