dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
