People in love make me want to vomit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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