i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
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Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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