paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
