Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
