dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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