If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
