I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
