pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
