Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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